i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
