dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
