hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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