Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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