I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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