Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
