lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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