So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
