Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
