He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
