I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
