If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
