how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
