your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
