For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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