did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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