I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
