someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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