Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
