I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
