My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
