I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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