so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
