I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
