The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
