the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
