The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Couch. On fire.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
