I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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