my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
