So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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