dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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