So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
