why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dear god my vagina.
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