He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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