I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just had sex bonerless
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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