fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
