saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
