Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
