Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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