Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
