Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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