Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
