so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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