I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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