called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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