I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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