ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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