That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
