I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
