I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
