You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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