If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
