I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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