She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
