the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're like the curious george of whores
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
