The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
