It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
