Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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