I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
