i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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