So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
