In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
