Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize