I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
