You don't have asthma, your pregnant
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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