before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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