man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
